“I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” (Ps. 18:12)

After being chased by enemies and betrayed by people he loved, David begins here: I love you, Lord. That isn’t always my go-to prayer when relational disappointments leave me feeling frustrated, left out, and hurt! My inner passive-aggressive, pain-avoidant girl nags me to let her out. I can stress and turn inward, which usually results in self-pity. Surely I deserve relief, right, Lord?! Surely you want me to be loved as I want to be loved, right, Lord?!

Ouch. How did my relational motivations get so tangled up in me? I want to love Jesus and people with a sincere heart. When I’m disappointed, it’s easy to forget the most foundational and beautiful truth of my identity—I’m loved and known by God. God’s love for me in Christ enables me to love people rather than demand they love me.

When we forget who we are and who God is, it’s easy to rush after earthly relationships that seem to promise escape from all pain and disappointment. Sometimes certain people stir a desire in us to have them meet all our needs, soothe our hearts, or save us in some way. Relationships are a good gift, but even the most loving, well-meaning people can’t ultimately deliver us from inner pain or provide unfailing love. Not really.

David, like us, needed to learn that only the Lord is a constant safe place, a refuge in this life of storms and unexpected relational weather we can’t control. Look at his descriptions of the Lord: my strength, my rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my shield, my stronghold.

David’s use of the word my brings a personal and specific touch to his heartfelt cries. The Lord isn’t only the most trustworthy refuge; he is your and my faithful shelter.

Do you turn to the Lord for help regarding your relational struggles, or do you look elsewhere? God is our safe harbor in our relational storms. He changes our hearts to love him more than we love what people can give to us. He is tender toward us when we’re weary, unsure if we can really overcome long-held unhealthy relational patterns. Even when we forsake him and insist on seeking security in the companionship and attention of people, the Lord doesn’t tire of pursuing us. Unlike weak and sinful humans, his bandwidth for loving us is unfailing and inexhaustible!

I love you, Lord. Turn toward him and begin here today. Through Christ, God delivers us from unhelpful (and unholy) patterns in our relationships and strengthens us to trust him.


Toxic Relationships: Taking Refuge in Christ by Ellen Mary Dykas

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